Marlon Brando and Kim Hunter in ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’, 1951.
Svetlana, Glamorous Dior Mannequin. 1957.
We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don’t
grow on trees, like in the old days. So where
does one find love? When you’re sixteen it’s easy,
like being unleashed with a credit card
in a department store of kisses. There’s the first kiss.
The sloppy kiss. The peck.
Suzy Parker for Harper’s Bazaar, 1950s. Photo by Louise Dahl-Wolfe.
Look at that beauty; doesn’t it make you feel like you want to ride on that path singing joyous ballads from musicals and feel as fruity as the cast of Glee?
Well, that, ladies and gentlemen, is a solution to one of the most pressing concerns around Egypt today: TRAFFIC.
Yes, traffic. Having been living in Holland for just over a month now and cycling my little behind all over the place, I realized that (after the physical shock of actually performing physical exercise on a daily basis passed) riding a bicycle as a means of transportation, and not solely for exercise, is by far one of the most simply ingenious concepts on our modern-day and age. Thus, I aim to begin a campaign, a campaign to push people to abandon automobiles unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY and take up cycling as their staple means of transportation.
Now, lets go through the pros and the cons (yes, there are cons).
- Cycling is brilliant exercise: it revitalizes the body and mind, providing a platform for the body to get its’ recommended dose of daily workout while you’re on your way to work, school, or even mall.
- Cycling is efficient: Not only is there virtually no pollution emitted into the atmosphere, but it saves SPACE. One of the major traffic problems in Egypt today is the ever-increasing number of automobiles and the limited amount of spaces available to accomodate them. Egyptians, being a race that just loves to store everything, don’t understand the concept of selling, re-using, or sending to a junkyard quite well yet, so we need to make short-term changes to make way for the long-term.
- Cycling is aesthetically pleasing: Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot begin to explain to you how sexy a well-dressed woman looks on a bicycle. It is a sight of which there is no comparison, and makes me drool like an idiot every day. And really now, if women like guys who are toned and fit, then bicycles do just that. During the winter also, almost ANY attire can fit with a bicycle - I’ve seen chicks with GOWNS cycle around, making guys break their necks.
Now for the cons:
- Cycling in our weather: Come summer time, it’ll be more and more difficult to bear the heat, thus making us want to retreat into the next best thing - cars with ACs.
- Support for cycling: Now, as we all understand the bureaucracy that such a campaign will have to deal with, it will be very difficult to gain massive support, which is why this has to be a very MASSIVE campaign.
So, what should be done? The answer quite simply is that we begin searching for support of our cause, and VERY quickly. One or two instances are not enough; we need to search for sponsors, carriers, suppliers, and government officials in charge of civil and urban engineering who can argue for our case efficiently. This is the most vital step, the one that will spearhead our campaign.
Some of you are probably thinking: wtf? But let me tell you something: If you are able to push this idea efficiently, imagine how much space will be saved around streets in Cairo, Alexandria, and every other major city and district? By imposing laws that, for example, create compulsory bike lanes, removing cars from the streets (thus eliminating 2nd and 3rd line parking), we can fix a MAJOR problem right there!
As for the weather: Have any of you Cairenes ever wondered exactly WHY Cairo seems much hotter than the North Coast, Alexandria, and Gouna? IT’S BECAUSE ITS TOO DAMN CROWDED! Having all those cars cramped together, engines running, spewing exhaust, day in and day out, you are witnessing global warming first-hand! If you allow a formidable number of citizens in Cairo to travel around in cycles, you will be helping the environment, aiding the traffic problem, AND lowering the temperature down quite drastically!
There is much more to be said, but I can’t work on my own. For all of you who support this idea, feel free to comment and post whatever ideas you have as well, and we may even be able to take it off this webpage and into actual plans and policy!
If you ever thought you were macho, or even had the balls to enter into a fight willingly, well my friend next to these guys you are a floppy vagina. These guys do not fuck around, and they do what they do best so nonchalantly that it might be second nature to them. Fucking. Awesome.